Sunny Acres Part 2: A Never Ending Freak Show
by Faramir Fancier
Summary: Ok, this is PART TWO! Isn't it totally amazing? Now it even has a spiffy new name! Muahaha! Sorry. Anyway, I suggest you read Sunny Acres Retirement Facility before you read this, otherwise you will be confused beyond count.
1. A New Beginning

A/N: Avast! Thanks to all you who reviewed the final part of part 1 and the 9th Anniversary Special. I can't believe it's actually been that long.

Alas, 9 months is too short a time to bring laughter to such amiable and excellent Hobbits…I mean reviewers… Sorry, all I did today was sit around and watch FotR, so that's where the little Bilbo quote comes from.

All righty, here we are with Part 2, chapter 1! Oh, and A Plot Twist, a.k.a. Twisty, you are hereby Gandalf's bodyguard! Sorry it took me so freaking long but I was reading my reviews (I know, I'm shallow…) and I saw this so cheers!

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_**Chapter One: A New Beginning…**_

_And so it was that the group made the trek from, oh, I dunno, Cincinnati to Chicago: The Windy City, Home of the Sox and the Cubs, and those losers that most people call the Bears. But that's beyond the point…._

"I have a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedly dee dee there they are a-standing in a row! Big one small ones some as big as your head!" Mary and Faramir sing, driving along at a very unsafe speed.

"One more time!" Faramir screams.

"I have a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedly dee dee there they are a-standing in a row! Big one small ones some as big as your head!"

"I think we should stop." Mary suggests.

"Good idea."

"Look! APPLES!" Mary screams, veering off the road into an apple orchard.

"Mary! Those aren't free!" Faramir says, aghast.

"Too bad. If you're in my car, you're going to have to play by my rules: Anything that no one has an ownership claim to is public property, and anything public can be shared by all, and all means me!" Mary says gleefully.

"MARY! STOP!" Faramir screams, grabbing the steering wheel. He puts his foot on the break and stops the car.

"Ok, Mary. This is it! OUT!" Faramir says, very strictly and in a commanding voice.

"What? You can't just abandon me on the side of the road! I'll die! And then there won't be any more story! "

"NO! You are sitting in the passenger seat from now on! You're too reckless a driver and are going to get us all killed one day." Faramir says. The two get out of the car and switch seats, Mary weeping silently.

"Please, Mary, I'm sorry, but I really don't want to see you wind up in jail." Faramir says caringly, giving Mary the puppy dog eyes.

"Damn it, you know I can't say no to the puppy dog eyes." Mary says.

"Yeah, whatever… Can you drive faster?" Mary asks.

"Mary, please, I'm already going 5 miles above the 55 mile speed limit. What, you want me to go 20?" Faramir asks.

"Yeah." Mary says.

"Well, fine, I'm going 10 miles over. Happy?"

"No."

"Hoy, some of us are trying to SLEEP back here!" Elrond says.

"Oh, shut up!" Mary says, punching Elrond in the stomach.

"OUCH!"

"Just be thankful it wasn't your—"

"Mary!" Faramir screams.

_With Denethor and his friends…_

"Once we get in that city, I'm killing Mary. Do you hear! KILLING HER!" Denethor screams.

"Denethor, love, calm down before you get appendicitis!" Orliey screams.

"Sorry. Now, let's all listen to music or something…" Denethor puts in The Fellowship of the Rings soundtrack.

"May it beeee and eeeeeeveeeeening staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar shines down upon youuuuuuuuuuu!" Frodo sings.

"BEEEEEEEEELIEEEEEEEEEVEEEEE AND YOUUUUUUUU WILL FIND A WAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Gimli sings from the trunk.

Ok, because Denethor has crammed so freakin' many people into his car, this is how you're all sitting: Gimli and Alekey are in the trunk (Yes you got out of the pool room), Tina, Frodo, hotdogfish and Celeborn are all jammed into the back seat (let's say it holds 4..), Boromir and Breck are in the middle because Denethor's weird and favors his older son, Orliey is in the front passenger and Denethor is driving.

"GIMLI! You are short, stupid and TONE DEAF! SHUT UP!" Denethor screams.

"He's not stupid, you insensitive old fart!" Alekey screams.

"WHAT?" Denethor screams.

"YOU'RE AN OLD FART!" Alekey screams, throwing a Super Bouncy Ball at Denethor from the trunk (good shot!).

"ACK! I'm under fire!" Denethor screams, sinking down in his seat.

"BOMS AWAY!" Gimli screams, throwing some socks (old, dirty, moldy smelly socks) at Denethor.

"Eep! They smell!" Denethor wails.

5 hours later, right outside Chicago…

"Hey! Get moving!" Denethor says, blaring his horn at the person in front of him.

"DENETHOR! There's NOWHERE for that person to GO!" Boromir screams.

"SHUT UP!" Denethor screams. He pulls out of the lane and into the shoulder (The side of the road-ish thing).

"DENETHOR!" Everyone screams as Denethor goes hurtling down the road.

With Mary, Faramir, and Elrond…

"ELROND! ELROND!" Mary screams, punching Elrond in the arm.

"Huh? Wha?" Elrond asks.

"WAKE UP, FOOL! We're in CHICAGO!" Faramir says.

"Oooh! They have good pizza here!"

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A/N: All right! In the next installment, we'll get to our hotel and go do some stuff in Chicago! Enjoy part two! As always, review!


	2. Arriving in Chicago

A/N: Heya, everyone! I'm so glad you all found part 2 easily (I hope, I mean, it did say part 2 right there…) but if you didn't, you shouldn't feel bad. Millions of other people out there suffer from this chronic illness.

Er, sorry about that. Ok. So, we're in Chicago and they make darn good hot dogs and pizza so what do you think we're going to do all day? Yes, we are going to eat and be crazy tourists.

Thank you to the helpful people I know who have been to Chicago and some distant relations.

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**__**Chapter Two: Welcome to Chicago!**_Right outside the Hyatt Regency, in Downtown Chicago… 

"Ooooh! Look, there's like a skyscraper and…and lots of people!" Pippin says.

"Ooooh!" Everyone else says, amazed.

"Ah!" Kay screams, falling and breaking her leg.

"Shiznit, Kay, why'd you have to go and do that?" Denethor asks.

"Uh, sorry?"

"It's ok, dear. Pip will love you…" Pippin says, giving Kay a really romantic kiss right there in plain view of everyone on the street.

"Hey, you two, save it for your hotel room." Boromir says.

"Boromir, stop fighting with people who are two feet shorter than you." Mary says mockingly.

Boromir mocks Mary as Mary throws him a very angry look.

The people all pile into the lobby, where they see…

"Gandalf?"

Indeed, there sits Gandalf, smoking away on a pipe, while his bodyguard, Twisty, stands there, glaring at other women who seem to be looking at Gandalf.

"Hey! You can't be his bodyguard! It's ME! ME ONLY!" She screams at one unfortunate passer-by.

"Hey!" Everyone says, running towards Gandalf, who nearly chokes on his tobacco or whatever he's smoking in there (It's DOPE! Haha.)

"OH! I didn't know you people were coming to Chicago…" he says nervously.

"Uh, Gandalf? Hello? How else do you think you get to California?" Mary asks.

"I dunno." Gandalf gives everyone a kooky smile.

"Hey, Ms. Bodyguard? Gandalf seems to be a bit high, I don't think you're doing your job." Boromir says.

"ARRR!" Twisty jumps on Boromir and starts beating him up.

Mary jumps in to help beat up Boromir, who is screaming and punching like there's no tomorrow. Faramir jumps in to save Mary. Denethor jumps in to beat up Faramir and Mary. Pippin jumps in to beat up Denethor. Kay just whacks everyone in the fight with her crutch that she magically got. Merry just feels angry, so he jumps in. Annabel wants to protect Merry, so she jumps in. Frodo wants a hot dog—now!—so he jumps in, trying to get people to stop fighting so he can get the freakin' hotdog. Tina jumps in because it looks like fun.

Soon, everyone is fighting. Wisely, everyone except Mary, Boromir, Faramir, Denethor, Kay, and Tina have jumped out and remain unscathed.

"Guys, stop before we get kicked out." Gandalf says.

So, they do. Boromir has a broken nose, Faramir has a large bruise on his cheek, Denethor has a bleeding cut on his forehead (From Kay and her crutch...), Tina has a bruised eye and a cut, and Mary has a black eye and a bloody nose.

"You all look like you're out to kill!" Gandalf says.

"Yeah, well, what if we are?" Mary asks, pinching her nose.

"You're all crazy! I WANT A HOT DOG!" Frodo screams. He throws himself on the ground and starts kicking and screaming.

"Uh…" Everyone takes 10 GIANT STEPS away from Frodo except Tina, who huggles him for a bit.

"We'll get you a hotdog." Tina whispers.

"People believe anything if you whisper it." Mary says.

"Yeah."

So Frodo gets up, tears coming out of his large beautiful blue eyes, sniffles, and walks to the couch. Tina sits next to him, whispering into his ear.

Mary and Faramir start talking about going to play laser tag and paintball and then going to a club.

Denethor walks over to the hotel check in and goes over their reservations and stuff like that.

"All right, everyone, we're all on floor 3, so here are your card keys. Everyone get your crap out of your cars and we'll put our stuff in our rooms."

"I don't think my belongings are crap, father." Faramir says.

"Yeah, well, that's you." Denethor says.

"Hey! You want another fight?" Mary says, pushing Denethor.

"Maybe…"

"BRING IT!" Mary screams, jumping on Denethor and beating him to a bloody little pulp. Or, she would have, if Boromir didn't pry her off.

"Mary!" Faramir screams, trying to cover the colorful words streaming forth from Mary's mouth in unseen quantities.

"Sorry, Faramir, but your asshole of a father was asking for it." Mary says.

"MY GOD! MARY!" Faramir says.

"Sorry…"

"Now, look. Everyone, in 10 minutes we're getting a hot dog—"

"YAY!" Screams Frodo from the couch.

"Uh, yeah. And I want you all ready to go in 10 minutes!" Denethor screams.

_10 minutes later…_

Everyone is dressed accordingly (jeans and t-shirts all around), when Orliey presents a good question:

"Where are Gandalf and Twisty gonna sit?"

"No room in my car." Mary says.

"Aragorn's car is too full."

"Fine, fine, they'll ride with us." Denethor says. "You don't mind sitting on the floor, do you?"

"Not really." Gandalf says.

Everyone piles into their respective cars.

With Mary, Faramir, and Elrond… 

"Elrond, do you have to wear shirts like that?" Mary groans, pointing at Elrond's shirt ("Gettin' Lucky in Anfalas").

"Why, yes I do! Maybe we should ask if you have to wear shirts like _that_." Elrond says, pointing at Mary's AC/DC Back in Black shirt.

"At least it's not, "Gettin' Lucky in Anfalas"! Isn't that in Gondor? You should wear, like, "Gettin' Lucky in Rivendell" or something." Faramir says.

"And what are you wearing, hmmm?" Elrond asks. He looks at Faramir's "Black Rider Tour 2001" shirt from when Faramir and Mary went to the Nazgul's World Premiere Tour in 2001.

"Hey, it's a band." Faramir says.

"Sure…Sauron sympathizer." Elrond mutters.

"Hey, shut up." Mary says, zooming along down the road as Elrond topples into the trunk (I made my car a hatchback).

With Denethor and Company… 

"Hoooray! I get my HOTDOG! Wahooooo!" Frodo screams.

"YAY! I get out of the car only to come back in!" Boromir says sarcastically.

Another fight almost breaks out, until Denethor sharply pulls into the Hot Dog Palace Parking Lot.

"WHOA!" Everyone screams, toppling out of their seats. They all wind up smushed against the door.

"Boromir…you need to lose some weight." Tina mutters.

"Hey! I'm not fat!"

"I never said you were!" Tina mutters. "Gandalf, your foot is in my mouth."

"Sorry."

Eventually, they all get out of the car and walk in.

"HANDS UP! This is a robbery!" Boromir says, pointing a little water gun at the people.

"God. Where is he from? Loony land?" Asks one girl, who walks out.

The Apartment people walk over to the counter and order a couple hotdogs apiece.

"That'll be 150." Says the worker.

"Here." Denethor says, handing over his Platinum Visa.

They all go to sit down and eat their hotdogs.

"Frodo, why do you have 10 hotdogs?" Mary asks.

"Because I CAN!" Frodo screams.

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A/N: Yeah, this chapter was really dumb but you know what? Whatever! So in our next chapter, we'll terrorize the hotel and have a whole lot of fun! Wahoooo! Craziness rules! Anyway, read and review, but if you got this far, you read it…I think… 


	3. A very short chapter on Terrorizing Hote...

A/N: Hello and welcome to a very special chapter three. Anyway, in this episode we are going to run around the hotel scaring everyone and everybody, then come off our sugar high and feel really glum. And so I present to you…chapter three! With a special gift if you review: your name in lights at the Retirement Facility Arcade (tell me you don't want that one!)!

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_**Chapter Three: On Terrorizing Hotels.**_

_Back at the hotel…_

"WHOOO!" Pippin screams, jumping around the lobby.

Frodo is moaning because he ate 10 hotdogs and 3 large fries. Tina is giving him some Pepto-Bismol and comforting him. Mary and Faramir are looking over crazy activities to do while in Chicago, including paintball, mini golf,and laser tag.

Galadriel and Haldir have magically appeared (in their own car) and are looking over the Lyric Opera House's Spring Program and are circling ones they'd like to see. Denethor and Orliey are worrying about getting married on the way home in Vegas and are looking at an out-of-date Party Games book so they know what to do at their reception.

"Attention Hyatt Regency Patrons: in One Minute the Free Snack Bar will be open to the public." Says the loudspeaker.

"FOOD!" Merry, Pippin, Elrond, and Denethor say, looking up.

"AHHH!" Mary screams as Boromir jumps over her to go line up by the snack bar door.

A scared-looking Hyatt Regency employee opens the door as everyone from the Apartments storm in and load up on food. Mary grabs a couple apples and chips, Faramir gets a giant bag of cotton candy, Boromir gets some pizza, and everyone else just gets whatever they want.

"BACK AWAY FROM THE DORITOS!" Merry screams.

Everyone then walks out to the hotel lobby and crashes there.

"Mmm…cheese pizza." Boromir says, staring lovingly at the 10 pieces he grabbed.

"No wonder you're so fat." Tina says.

Frodo and Faramir laugh at this, as Mary smiles and nods.

"I am NOT FAT! I'm just built up." Boromir says indignantly.

"Sure, that's what they all say."

Boromir mopes off in a corner with Breck for comfort reasons. Mary and Tina whisper hurriedly and the words "Boromir", "Bomb", and "Closet" can be heard, along with maniacal laughter from Mary.

"Hey, let's get all our stuff into our rooms." Frodo offers.

"Great idea!"

So what do they do? Put all the stuff into their rooms!

_Three hours later…_

"WHO'S UP FOR SWIMMING?" Frodo screams, all signs of an upset stomach gone.

"ME!" Everyone else screams, changing into swim gear.

_10 minutes later…_

Everyone is down at the nice, large pool, soaking up rays from the fake sunlights and hitting a beach ball around.

"Damnit, Pip, you popped the beach ball." Frodo whines. Everyone does their own thing now.

Mary and Faramir are playing water basketball and Frodo and Tina are chilling in the hot tub. Denethor and Orliey are laughing at some really old jokes Elrond is telling, and Kay is looking at Pippin, who, coincidently, looks very nice in his swim trunks (I think she's staring at his butt…hahaha.)

Suddenly, Merry cannonballs off the poolside and splashes Elrond. Elrond freaks and jumps into the pool, screaming about how he's going to kill that ignorant little flippin' hobbit.

"ARGHH!" Elrond screams, jumping into the pool. Elrond and Merry start fighting. Merry pulls Elrond's hair….

"AIIIII! MY beautiful Elvish hair!" Elrond screams. He gets out of the pool and hides in a corner, sobbing and looking at his hair.

"What an idiot." Mary mutters, then goes back to doing whatever it wasshe wasdoingbefore.

Frodo is busy lounging around in the hot tub, staring into Tina's eyes. Suddenly, they start kissing and everyone looks away.

"Great. And then they'll be making out and we'll have to leave." Boromir says grumpily.

"Put a cork in it." Mary says.

"Wanna fight, punk?" Boromir growls.

"No." Mary laughs, going back to Faramir and staring in his eyes.

Soon, Denethor cannonballs into the pool and splashes everyone. Everyone yells and jumps in, and a splash fight breaks out.

"AHHH! MY EYE!" Elrond screams, as a little drop of water gets in his eye.

Everyone shakes their head as Elrond climbs out of the pool.

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A/N: Sorry about the really short chapter, but I just got back from Vacation and I decided to wrap this up and then work on a longer chapter for chapter 4. So review, etc., and read on. 


	4. Finally! Chapter Four

A/N: Ok, we're back! Hooray for this story. And it's (mostly) about what we all do to torture Aragorn, Galadriel, Celeborn, Arwen, and other people we don't see as much. Hope you enjoy it. AKA it's national Elf-Torturing Day.

Very sorry about not updating in forever. You can cast me into the streets and kill me now.

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**_Chapter Four: When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going_**

_Outside the exercise room…_

"All right, we all know what to do?" Kay asks.

"Correct." Mary says. Tina nods, Frodo salutes, and Faramir mutters.

"Good. Now, once you get in, stuff Pippin in a sack and put him in my room." Kay says.

"Aren't you dating? Why do you need him tied up in a sack?" Faramir asks.

"Because…I don't know why." Kay says.

"You mean so you can stare at his butt again like you did over by the pool," Tina corrects.

"You saw that?" Kay blushes.

"They saw that in China." Mary says.

"Like you weren't staring at Faramir's butt." Kay says, blushing.

"I was looking into his eyes."

"Uh huh, sure…" Kay says.

"Since when were we talking about staring at other people's butts?" Tina asks.

"Since you brought it up," Mary says.

Faramir and Frodo look at each other, shrug, and go back to looking at the floor.

"Hey, guys!" Pippin says, walking out of the exercise room.

"Hey, Pip," the girls say.

"Hold the phone…" Mary says.

"PIPPIN!" Kay screams, throwing a sack over Pippin's head and running off to her room.

"That was weird." Mary says.

"Sure was." Tina mutters.

Everyone laughs and then decides to watch TV.

Aragorn and Arwen are driving down the road at breakneck speed in Frodo's van, trying to catch up to "the car stealers", as Aragorn keeps calling Merry, Pippin, Kay, and Annabel.

"Once I catch up to those car stealers, I'm gonna—" Aragorn starts.

"ARAGORN! I do not care what you're going to do once you catch up with them! You've said the same thing for the LAST 20 MINUTES!" Arwen yells.

"Sorry," Aragorn mutters.

Arwen sighs and looks out the window.

_Back at the Hotel…_

"DENETHOR!"

"Crap, here we go again." Faramir mutters, picking up a magazine and reading it intently.

"DENETHOR! GET OVER HERE!" Mary screams, staring at her (empty) cooler that once contained apples, chocolate, and…cherry tomatoes, which the Hobbits bribed her into taking with. The apples and chocolate are still there, but the cherry tomatoes…?

"Someone yelled?" Denethor asks, poking his head out of the door.

"Yeah. Denethor, I hadtwo 5 poundbags of cherry tomatoes and now they're gone. Now, I'm not accusing you (yet), I'm just wondering if you ATE THEM!" Mary says.

"Why would I eat your tomatoes? Besides, I thought you could never look at a tomato again ever since Return of the King!" Denethor says.

"Because they weren't my tomatoes." Mary whispers.

"Oh…crud."

"That's right! Those were the hobbits! And you know what happens when Hobbits get mad…" Mary says, backing up.

"AIIIIIIII!" Merry, Pippin, and Frodo scream, followed by their dates. They run into the room and proceed to torture Denethor by tickling.

"Hobbits sure are violent." Faramir mutters.

"Faramir. They're not beating your dad up. They're tickling him. I'm scared." Mary says, backing away.

A while later, after the hobbits have successfully commenced torturing Denethor, Mary gives them some money and drives them out to the grocery store to get more food, leaving Faramir to help his father.

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A/N: Yes, it was short, but I decided to give you something so you don't think I'm dead over here. Which I may be soon. Sorry to all my fans, but now it is SUMMER and there is no school at all so YEAH! 


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